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Muffins and Cupcakes, or On Underwear – Part II

 Now, I am well aware that I have become a bit pudgy since the beginning of the year. And although I vehemently deny being a muffin top, as Diesel has pointed out, I do admit that I am on my way, preferring to call myself a cupcake top, slightly smaller than a true muffin top. Though I’ve tried to overlook the fact that my pants and tops have become tighter (“Water retention due to excessively high temperatures,” I’ve decided), there is one piece of clothing that never lies about my weight, a garment that is a true measure of my physical defeat. That garment is the underwear. At first glance, the underwear might strike you as a very friendly piece of clothing due to its forgiving elasticity. Because it stretches, it seems to almost make you forget about the extra poundage. But look closer and you’ll see the underwear marks imprinted around the perimeter of your much bigger gut. And by “you,” I mean “I.”

Not to mention wedgies. I mean, the back of my underwear is no longer big enough to carry the weight of my big buns and so it rebels, and wedgies abound. I am not proud of the fact that I have stalled on buying new underwear and have instead insisted on wearing my now painful, but skinny underwear. But I’ll continue to do so. And if you see my picking my butt, please forgive me.

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