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Oh Shame, Oh Shame, I’m So Ashamed…

Last Monday I did something that will forever live in infamy, something that will cause me to always look back with shame, embarrassment, and mostly, disgust. And then, as if that one episode wasn’t enough, I took it up one notch.

It all started innocently, with dinner with Molly and Wendy from my book club. We went to Republic, by Union Square. I ordered the Phad Thai, still on my search for Thai food that is on par with Seattle’s amazing SE Asian cuisine. My dish was pretty good and rather satisfying. With all good intentions, I avoided stuffing myself and packed the overage home.

I took the F train home, and after coming out, I saw it (halleluiahs playing):


I had suppressed it for too long. How many times did I emerge from the subway tunnel on my way home to find myself face-to-face with the mighty golden arches? And how many times did I resist?? And how many more times did I get as close as the doors, only to turn around in a valiant demonstration of my self-discipline??? Let me answer these non-rhetorical questions, so that you will understand the state of my desperation: EVERY day. EVERY DAY.

With a full stomach, I marched into the filthy Delancey Street McDonald’s. “Neeeext,” I heard.

I wanted fries. In my opinion, McDonald’s greatest contribution to humanity has been its magical recipe for fries. There was a time in my life when I used to eat large fries for a snack pretty much every week. That all ended when my cholesterol jumped 90 points from the previous year’s level, and my doc admonished me.

But I digress.

So there was no question about it, the fries were coming home with me. But…what else?

“Do you guys still have the 6-piece chicken nuggets meal?,” I asked, as I only saw the 10 and 12-piece options on the menu.

“Yeah, we do,” said the McDonald’s girl. And before I completed my order, she said with a smirk: “But WHY buy a 6-piece meal, when you can get the 6-piece for ONE DOLLAR and then get fries on the side?”

It was a sign! I ordered the 6-piece nuggets special for ONE dollar and the fries…SUPERSIZED.

I came home and was greeted by a gasp and a disapproving look from Diesel.

“I thought you HAD dinner with the girls,” he said.

“Well (chomp) I wanted fries, OK (chomp, chomp)?”

Diesel stared at the chicken nuggets in disgust, which, as I predicted, soon turned into envious gluttony. As he continued to play video game (which he DOES despite his 30 years), I ate my fast food fast; I just didn’t feel like sharing. However, Diesel still managed to eat some of it, despite my best efforts to keep it all to myself.

“And besides (chomp)…I’m running tomorrow, OK? OK????” I said.

It’s hard trying to convince yourself that you’ll do something you know deep in your heart you won’t do.


Two meals and many calories later…


Next morning: NO running. I can’t say I didn’t know it. McDonald’s is not exactly an appropriate pre-run meal.


Riddled with guilt, I somehow got through the week. Until Friday, that is.

And then, it got worse…


Friday I came home to an empty home. Diesel was going to see Drew in AZ and then he’s off to CO for a snowboarding trip for his buddy Gabe’s bachelor party.

And again, I found myself being stared at by the golden arches. There they were again.

With little hesitation and even less self-control, I ended up in the middle of the filthy Delancey Street McDonald’s…again. It was déjà vu. Only this time, I ordered a FULL VALUE meal…SUPERSIZED…

But it gets even WORSE:  I got the value meal accompanied by the one-dollar 6-piece chicken nuggets!!!



Before you answer this non-rhetorical question, let me tell you: I ate EVERYTHING. Not a single fry left. Not a single shred of lettuce. None, zip, nada.


Please don’t judge me.

The good news–and I hope that this redeems me in your eyes, even a bit–I started running again.

Hooray for me.


7 Responses

  1. HAHAHA! I’m laughing because every single person is guilty of this with a food of her/his own. Tonight I was in the checkout line at QFC with my apples, yogurt and Kashi high fiber/high protein/loaded with Omega 3’s cereal when there before me was a basket of lonely little chocolate Easter bunnies, each about 2 inches tall. I bought 2. I mean, Easter was last weekend and they hadn’t been picked! I felt bad for them, so I did my part.

    They were gone before I got home, and we only live about 6 blocks away. Pathetic. Thankfully Nate is in Haines heli-boarding so he didn’t see it.

  2. Oh, and I’m going to the gym first thing tomorrow! So all is good.

  3. d00d. you make it sound like i ate a bunch of your first meal, but in fact, I only ate like 2 fries and 1/4 of a chicken nugget and you pleaded for me to save you the rest! Naxty! 😀

  4. I agree – we all have our moments… Lately mine have been those evil yet delicious bite sized chocolate brownies at QFC. Yes they are bite sized so one should be good… Oh no! 4 seems to be the magical number… But saying they are bite size seems to make me feel better…

    Wish I could say I was hitting the gym today or yesterday or the day before…

    Thankfully I have to drive to McDonalds b/c if I kept coming home and it was in my way everyday… TROUBLE! I go for the 2 cheeseburger meal!

  5. you are so funny! I am with you on the mcDs fries. nothing better.

  6. I like the way you’re never judgmental about how others eat… now I understand why.

    Sign up for the Brooklyn Half… then you can get the 20 piece meal!

  7. […] I was fine with that, although a bit apprehensive given my recent lack of self-control (per previous post). But Shake Shack DOES have some of the best burgers in the city, so I had to sacrifice myself for […]

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